Perceptions

Greetings all.

Today I'd like to talk about, (alright to WRITE about, don't be so bloody pedantic) how we perceive others, and more importantly perhaps how they perceive us or indeed how we perceive ourselves, which when you add it all up is an awful lot of perceptions, hence the title.

For example as a parent/grandparent, I perceive teenagers as obnoxious undisciplined ungrateful little shits, although little is probably the wrong description as an awful lot of them are taller than me these days, (are they getting taller or am I shrinking? maybe it's a bit of both.) anyway this is a view in which I suspect I am not alone, but on the flip side, that is to say from the teenagers point of view, they probably perceive me and most other parents/grandparents as overbearing over-controlling boring old farts who don't know what it's like to be young.

Of course it's easy to perceive groups as being one way or another, because when considering a group we are generalising, but what about on a more personal individual level? After all not all teenagers are as I have described, (just most of them), indeed I myself was a paragon of virtue when I was a teenager, just as I am now, then again maybe that's just how I perceive myself to be?

No sad to say I see myself as just your complete Mr average, average height, average weight, average size willy, (unfortunately), on the other hand my wife did used to see me as a sex god, but then again she always was easy pleased, the two oldest grand-kids used to perceive me as SUPER-GRANDDAD who leaps tall buildings with a single fart, (hey who am I to argue), now though they just see me as a private taxi service. My big brother perceives me as a weirdo, and that's OK because I perceive him as an arsehole, the eldest lad sees me as an anti-social people hater which is probably pretty accurate if truth be told, others in the family generally see me as Mr fix-it, and other people see me as umpteen different things, unfortunately non of them complimentary.

So as you can see from the above I am different things to different people, what about you? How do you perceive yourself as an individual? How do you think others perceive you? that will probably depend on what sort of impression you make initially, because the vast majority of us go off first impressions, hence the expression first impression counts, it shouldn't but unfortunately it does, especially when it comes to things like job interviews, how many times has a well dressed well manicured well spoken arsehole, who knows nothing about a given subject been awarded a job over someone infinitely more qualified but less well kept? sadly all to often I fear.

I learned long ago that first impressions can be very misleading, it was way back when I was young and green, and I joined my first motorcycle club, I'd gone along early to the pub where they held their meetings, so consequently I was the first to arrive, I went in got myself a drink and sat down to wait, it wasn't long before the first of the members turned up and what a first, I thought to myself shit! what am I getting into here, this fella looked like the epitome of a hollywood hells angel, long hair, tattoos, ear-ring, ripped oil stained jeans, cut-off jacket full of bike patches and badge's, and a studded leather belt with a fox tail hanging off it, I thought he's got to be riding a Harley, how wrong could I be? the man rode a 250 honda custom, and he was one of the nicest fella's you could ever wish to meet, wouldn't say boo to a goose, and he'd do anything he could to help you out, it just goes to show.

On the flip side a few years later in a different motorcycle group, there was another bloke who was somewhat cleaner better attired etc, in fact a typical upstanding bmw riding gent, who from appearances you would think was a thoroughly nice fellow, turned out he was a back-stabbing weaselly f*****g turd, go figure! like I said first impressions can be very misleading.

So maybe we should learn to ignore first impressions, and instead give people a chance to prove what they're like by talking to, and attempting to get to know them before we judge. Sadly that's easier said than done, mostly because we all tend to judge the book by the cover, which applies not just to how people look but also to how they talk act and otherwise express themselves, it is universal and applies to all echelons of society, it's like the old saying, if your face fits, you're in.

Sadly mine never has.

I say I say I say

Greetings

Today I'd like to talk about language or more specifically sayings, proverbs, Idioms, etc. etc.

You know things like, "He who laughs last laughs longest", eh what? beg pardon, what the f**k is that supposed to mean. How about "If the wind changes you'll stick like that" who the hell came up with that, someone who lived next door to an exploding glue factory?

There's a million of these things out there, where do they come from who makes them up, some are self explanatory but others make you wonder, things like "a chain is only as strong as its weakest link" self explanatory, but "a friend in need is a friend indeed" what's that supposed to mean? personally I prefer the adage a friend in need is a pain in the arse, but hey who am I to criticise.

There are dozens of them for every letter of the alphabet, some are really old like "a pig in a poke" or "letting the cat out of the bag" some are much more recent like "all singing all dancing", we all use them to some extent, some people more than others, myself in particular I use them all the time I'm full of them, (some say I'm just full of shit) yet how often do we think about them, I mean for instance what has "kicked the bucket" got to do with dying, how many dying people do you see going around kicking buckets.

What about "meat and two veg" to describe a blokes wedding tackle, how did that one come about, I mean you can't really describe it as meat can you, a grisly sausage maybe or a turkey neck, and where does the two veg come in? aren't vegetables either crunchy (raw) or soft and tender (cooked), I would have thought testicles would be sort of rubbery at best, and while we're on the subject what of the term wedding tackle, I mean isn't tackle meant to be kept in a box? Oh wait now I get it.

Also staying on the same theme why do we use the term knackers to denote a pair of testicles, is it because if you kick someone in them it knackers them for life, and how about knockers to denote a woman's breasts, I mean you don't see women going around knocking on doors with them do you, they don't knock together when they run, bounce up and down yes so maybe we should call them bouncers.

Of course those last two where slang terms rather than sayings but still the same questions apply, where and from whom did they originate, why did they come into common usage doubtless some smart arse will know, not that it matters some are good, some are crap, some are funny, some are wise and some make no sense at all, different ones come into and go out of fashion at different times and others seem to remain constant.

To finish I'd just like to give you my thoughts on one last one "Honesty is the best policy" whoever coined this phrase was either an idiot or a liar, and boys if you don't believe me or you're wondering why I say that, the next time your wife or girlfriend asks you does my bum look big in this try telling the truth and see where it gets you, probably the nearest A&E department.

Don't say I didn't warn you. Ta Ta.

Luck of the Irish

Greetings once again, and top of the morning to yer, god bless all here.

Now we have the formalities out the way, LUCK! why do some have it and others not, and what is meant by the saying "luck of the Irish", are Irish people particularly lucky, or is it meant to be ironic in that they are particularly unlucky, who knows? who cares? apart from Irish people of course.

But seriously why do some people seem to have all the luck, you know, the ones who if they fell in a cesspit they'd come up smelling of roses, they always pick the winning raffle ticket or scratch card, they get all the best deals, win all the competitions, get off with a caution when they should have been hung drawn and bloody quartered.

Why does everything they do or touch seem to go right, especially when everything I do or touch goes to shit, do these people have a secret of some sort, if so will someone please let me in on it because I could do with a break, hang on let me rephrase that, I could do with a change of luck.

Actually that's not really the case, it's not a change of luck I need, but rather the fact I just need to acquire some, you see I'm not unlucky per se, but on the other hand neither am I lucky, there's just a general lack of the stuff in our household particularly of late, of course there are those out there who don't believe in luck they insist there's no such thing, to them I would say BULLSHIT!

Let me give you an example of why I say that, she who must not be named, my poor long suffering wife (she does have to put up with me after all), does competitions, a lot of competitions, somewhere in the region of 5000/6000 in the last two months alone, and she has a friend who does the same competitions, mostly they are prize draw comps all you have to do is enter your details, no difficult questions to answer, no tie breaking ditties to dream up just pure equal chances, so how come my wife's freind has won four or five times what the wife has won? Is it mind over matter? Is it witchcraft, the friend has admitted she's a dab hand at jinkses, maybe she's good at potions as well, felix-felicis (liquid luck) anyone, (it's a harry potter thing).

Seriously though this isn't a new thing it's been the situation for a number of years now, statistically the wife should have won a lot more than she has, and as for me I can't win a thing, some say you make your own luck, HOW? is there a recipe if so could someone please give it to me, I've become a dab hand in the kitchen recently I could rustle some up for us all.

I don't know maybe it's an Irish thing after all, and as I'm only an eighth Irish that's why I'm short on luck, then again my dad didn't have any Irish in him at all yet he was a right lucky b*****d, why couldn't I have inherited his luck? Ah well Que Sera Sera, like I said before who knows who cares, apart from me.

Till next time stay lucky!